Comfort in the Crock Pot

So, I get to check another new experience off my list (ok...it's not that exciting): I USED MY CROCK POT FOR THE FIRST TIME last weekend (see...I said it wasn't too exciting!)! But, nonetheless, I'm excited. As I've said many times throughout this blog, I'm not a cook. I don't really enjoy it, and would much rather throw a frozen meal in the microwave or heat up some soup. However, in my commitment to increase health and wellness in ALL areas of my life, I'm trying to cook and add new things to my diet. This recipe was one of my favorite's growing up, so recently I emailed my mom and asked for the recipe. I'm going to show the recipe step by step in pictures, and put the recipe at the bottom, so make sure to scroll to the bottom! Once again, I apologize for poor photo quality. The lighting in my kitchen is poor and I was using my phone. Also, you'll notice that I have different colored cutting boards. This is my organization & health/food safety coming into play (red=raw meet, white= cooked meet, blue=fruits/veggies). This also helps cross contamination...

So first I took the meat, while leaving it in chunks, & cut away the fat. 

Cut an onion

Brown the meat

Cut up Potatoes (both sweet potato and white potato)

Cut the red pepper

The can of tomatoes I used

Browned onions, and all other veggies simmering  on the stove

Meat & veggies in the Crock Pot

Finished product! YUM!

Ok, so here's the recipe & cooking instructions:

beef roast (2-3 pounds)- remove extra fat
1 large onion
2 sweet potatoes, peel and dice in large chunks
1-2 sm white potatoes cubed, peel only if necessary
1 red pepper
1 can diced tomatoes, italian style if possible
approx 8 brussel sprouts if you can buy them loose in the produce area. (i didn't include this)
carrots, maybe 1/3 bag 
other vegetables you might like to add...especially if you have frozen veg... add a handful of corn, peas, or green beans. celery or beans (such as black eyed peas or northern white beans) add an extra oomph as well!

**depending on whether you want this as a meat dish or more like a soup, you will need more liquid. Sometimes i buy a package of dry onion soup mix and add 1/2 of an envelope of the powder and maybe a 1/2 a cup to cup of water. Go slow and you can add more water as it cooks but you can't remove it if add too much!!

Steps: 
*brown meat in heavy pan. use a bit of oil and let it get brown by frying vs just steaming it. brown on all sides and if you are in a rush lengthen the amount of time you cook the meat and that will shorten overall cooking time.
*place meat in crock pot. 
*in heavy pan, brown onions then add other ingredients so that everything is heated through. 
*pour over meat in crock pot and then cook til meat is very tender, maybe 2-3 hours

**If you don't use seasoned tomatoes, you'll want to add something else. Also, you may add pepper or garlic, but remember that you are trying to make a balanced 1 pot meal so match quantity of potatoes to number of servings of meat you anticipate. Likewise with the veggies. Be creative with other veggies you like too. 

** If you don't have a crock pot, don't worry, you're still in luck!  You can cook on top of the stove for 1.5 hours or in the oven. Just poke with fork to see how tender things are. 

So, there you go. I ended up freezing some of it as well, so we'll see how it tastes later...

Do you have a favorite crock pot recipe?

Perfectionism & The Distortion of Identity

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”

-Anna Quindlen

I've always been surprised at how tightly perfectionism and identity/self-esteem are tied together. When a Client says they struggle in one area, I automatically ask about the other area as well. Most of the time, I'm spot on (and they seem to be surprised at the quick connections I make) and they do, indeed, struggle with both. I get it because at one point I was there myself. In high school I had extremely rigid, perfectionistic standards for myself, yet I felt terrible about myself. It was as I began to challenge and loosen these standards and rules for my life that the distorted mirror I saw myself in began to become more and more clear. It was through this that I began to figure myself out, and feel good about the person I was (and am). 

Perfectionism isn't realistic, and it distorts the way we see the world (remember yesterday's post on black/white thinking about how we need shades of gray to see the entire picture). It distorts our needs & wants, our identity, our self-statements and beliefs, and our relationships. All of this combined leads to a distortion of how we live within the world, and how we feel about ourselves as we go about daily life. Perfectionism tends to say that I am a failure (unless I'm 100% perfect in everything then I'm a failure), and when we are constantly "failing" we will obviously feel really bad about ourselves. This type of thinking is detrimental to us, and quite honestly, not fair to ourselves either. 

I found a website that listed some reasons that perfectionism lowers self-esteem:

1. Fear of failure is among of the reasons for perfectionism. Often times, perfectionists blame their failures to lack of personal worth.
2. Another reason is being afraid to make mistakes. For perfectionists, mistakes and failure are the same. They miss opportunities to learn and grow by living their lives avoiding mistakes.
3. Fear of rejection is a one of the most common reasons. Perfectionists are often afraid that if other people see their flaws, they will be rejected.
4. Rigid Rules. Perfectionists live with rigid rules structured by a never-ending list of “should”.

If you do just one thing for yourself this week, give yourself a break and try to start identifying how perfection & your identity are tied together. Be fair to yourself and loosen the grip you have on perfectionism.

*you can find the rest of my series on perfectionism here.

What I'd like to know:

Did you do anything fun this weekend? Any steps to furthering your health and wellness? Have you seen perfectionism distort your self-esteem or identity?

Black & White Thoughts of a Perfectionist

Is this purely black and white, or are there shades of gray?

In yesterday's post, I introduced the concept of Perfectionism. One of the "foundational pillars" behind the ideas and beliefs of perfectionism is black and white (also called all or nothing) thinking. For example, either I'm ALWAYS perfect, or I'm NEVER perfect (and therefore ALWAYS a failure). 

Although we hear the phrase "black and white thinking" often, I think it can be helpful to have something visual to help understand why black and white thinking is inaccurate and unhelpful. So, look above at the picture. What do you notice about it? What do you see in the picture? Ok, after you've done that, take away everything from that picture that isn't 100% black or 100% white (so, basically remove everything that is a shade of gray). Now what's left?

There is very little left to this picture if you take away the shades of gray. There may be a few lines here and there, but we won't get an accurate idea of what the picture actually is. The beauty and story is distorted.  

When we use black/white thinking, we are engaging in a cognitive distortion, or an irrational belief. Sometimes we feel like our story will be more dramatic and colorful if we use these types of words too. But taking away shades of gray distorts the picture, and shows us a view of the world that isn't real. And although we sometimes feel that using a shade of gray word is boring (for example, instead of sweltering or freezing, we may just say warm or a little chilly), but in reality, we need the shades of gray to see the details and the reality in the world. That picture is beautiful too.

So the next time you are tempted to think in black and white terms, go back to this picture. Or better yet, hang a black and white picture on the mirror in your bathroom, or on your desk at work, and when you're tempted to think in black and white terms (or engage in one your standards of perfectionism), look at the picture and challenge yourself! 

* you can see the rest of my series on perfectionism here.

How does black and white thinking play a part in your life? Do you use any visuals to help you remember things or challenge your thinking? 

Hello, I'm ____ and I'm A Perfectionist...

Perfection, fortunately, is not the only alternative to mediocrity. A more sensible alternative is excellence. Striving for excellence is stimulating and rewarding; striving for perfection--in practically anything--is both neurotic and futile.

-Edwin Bliss

The pursuit of perfection often impedes improvement.

-George Will

"Hi, I'm ____, and I'm a perfectionist." How many of us could put our name on the line? I'll admit it-I'm a recovering perfectionist. I've spent many years challenging the thinking, expectations, and standards that kept me trapped in the perfectionist struggle for years. Another thing I'll admit-I'm NOT perfect (*gasp*) at staying away from perfectionist standards 100% of the time. That's right. I'm not perfect at not trying to be a perfectionist.

Before we can start to challenge and change some of the beliefs and expectations behind perfectionism, I think it's important to understand what is involved in this process.  So, how about a little education & discussion on perfectionism, and then moving on to the challenge (you all know how much I love challenging our automatic thoughts!)?

1. Perfectionists CAN be Procrastinators. This seems like the opposite would be true. For example, the idea that perfectionists finish everything way before they need to have it done. This may certainly be the case, but perfectionists can also be procrastinators (and people who define themselves as a procrastinator may, without realizing it, be a perfectionist!). With perfectionism there is such a fear of failure (of not meeting the unrealistic expectations that have been set), and this fear becomes paralyzing.
2. Perfectionism is a Losing Game! No matter how hard you try, you won't be perfect. Realistically, we can say that. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. However, we trap ourselves in a series of lies that tell us that if we only do x,y,and z, we will be perfect. And within the "rules" of perfectionism game, unless we are perfect, we are a failure. Therefore, perfectionism is a losing game (even if we can occasionally delude ourselves into believing that we can win at the game).
3. More then likely, you will actually be more successful if you strive for doing well instead of strive to be perfect. We tend to believe the myth that if we release our tight grip on our standards and strict rules for living, that we will quickly slide back into being unsuccessful, getting bad grades, or failing at our relationships. However, when we can let go of some of that fear and control, we tend to stay motivated in a healthy way, and can engage more fully in what we're doing (both work AND in relationships!).

So, my perfectionism says that I want to be incredibly thorough in giving information. However, I know that I tend to start skimming long posts instead of actually reading and thinking about them, and I want to watch a little TV on this Friday night. So, I will keep this post as is, and continue the discussion of perfectionism tomorrow:)

*you can find the rest of my series on perfectionism here.

Here's what I'd like to know from you:
Do you struggle with perfectionism? What are some of the unrealistic beliefs about perfectionism that you have seen or experienced?And finally: Any fun plans for the weekend?

10 Ideas to Refill Yourself {I can't give what I don't have pt 2}

In yesterday's post I introduced the idea that "I can't give what I don't have." Unless I'm healthy and taking care of myself, I will very quickly not have much to give to my clients. So this begs the question, "how do I take care of and refill myself"?
Of course I'd love to say that I can afford to get my nails done every week, and go to the spa each weekend (I think I'd definitely feel relaxed if I could do that!). However, I can't afford that, but that doesn't mean that I can't still take care of myself.

Here are a few of my tips and ideas for refilling myself:


1. Limit my number of one way/helping relationships: I give all day at work to my clients, and obviously it isn't appropriate for them to refill me. Because I'm giving all day, I need to have two way relationships with others after work, where there is a mutual give and take. It's fine to give of yourself, but you need to be able to receive as well.
2. Unplug! It's tempting to be constantly checking emails, texts, twitter/facebook updates, etc...but it's not a mental break. One of my rules is that I don't check my work email when I'm at home at night. And I'll check it at most one time over the weekend. Nothing is an absolute emergency that can't wait until the next morning.
3. MOVE. Whether you turn on music and dance in your living room, go on a walk with a friend, go on a run, or some other form of physical activity, it is important for your mental & physical health! This will help to decrease some of the stress and tension that easily builds up!
4. Enjoy Nature. Find the beauty in nature, capture it in a photography, or mix nature and moving together.
5. Keep a Thankfulness Journal. Remember my post on the Thankfulness Project? This can help to increase mood and to refocus on the positive.
6. Incorporate Deep Breathing. Establish a regular practice of deep breathing in your life. This helps slow down heart rate, decrease stress hormones, and increase focus and concentration. Whether you are sitting in a meeting, cooking dinner, or having a conversation with a friend, you can engage in this process!
7. Take a Bath
8. Read a Book For Fun
9. LAUGH. Remember that Sense of Humor is one of the 17 components of wellness. Spend a few minutes laughing every day.
10. Learn to say no! There will always be more good things to be involved in then there is time. Learn to say no so you don't overcommit yourself or stretch yourself too thin. Engage in a few things wholeheartedly instead of giving half-heartedly to many things.


Those are a few of the things that I have found to be helpful in giving to myself so that I can keep giving to others. Let me say this: It can be incredibly hard to do this, so in no way am I suggesting this is always simple to do. However, to be healthy you MUST take care of yourself!

What activities do you do to refill yourself? 

I Can't Give What I Don't Have...

Remember a few months back when I did a series on Boundaries? (If not here are a few of the links:  basics, active process,burnout-1, burnout-2, laws of boundaries-1, and laws of boundaries-2)


So, a quick reminder of boundaries: Boundaries are like invisible property lines that define what is me, and what is not me. What "is me" (what I am responsible for) would include my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions (behaviors). I can't make others be responsible for mine, and I can't take on the responsibility for others. Doing this is to have poor boundaries, and will lead to unhealthiness in our self and in our relationships with others. We can't have a truly healthy relationship without having healthy boundaries. 

    “You may need to set boundaries on people in real need. If you are a loving person, it will break your heart to say no to someone you love who is in need. But there are limits to what you can and can’t give; you need to say no appropriately” (Boundaries, p. 250).

Over the course of the last month, I saw a lot of conversations in blogs and on twitter about "self-love" and taking care of ourselves. The problem with boundaries is that they can seem selfish. However, we only have so much that we can give before we run ourselves into the ground. I always tell my clients "You can't give what you don't have." If you are going to pour into others, then you need to poured into to be refilled, so that you have something else to give. Without being refilled, we will run dry fairly quickly. So, while it seems selfish to say no to people sometimes, I believe that it's one of the most loving things we can do. Yes, we may be giving a little less in the moment, but long term we'll be giving a lot more. And, if we hit a point of burnout (links to information on burnout at the top of this post), then we can't give anything to anyone else around us. 


How do you set limits in life? Do these limits feel selfish? Any examples of limits you have to put in your life to keep you healthy?

A Simple & Delicious Treat {Recipe Included}

If you've been reading my blog for very long, you may have picked up a few things about me:
1. I LOVE to travel (see here and here)
2. I dislike cooking (but love making this and this)
3. I can tolerate cooking if it's in some way connected to my travel :)

So, knowing that, a week ago I set out to cook another favorite from my visits to Ecuador and the Dominican Republic: Plantains! They are delicious, can be a side to a meal (served with salt or ketchup on top), or as a dessert with cinnamon cooked on top.

Why plantains? According to self.com, plantains are "very low in Saturated Fat, Cholesterol and Sodium. It is also a good source of Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin B6 and Potassium" (see here for other nutritional data). Plantains always need to be cooked-they cannot be consumed like a banana. I'll go step by step through the cooking process with pictures. Side note: There are many ways to cook plantains and many things to do with them-this is simply one way. They can also be mashed and made into little patties-this is also delicious.
Ok, so here we go:

1. Here is a plantain. They can be cooked when they are green, yellow, or brown. The more ripe, the sweeter they are. They need to be cooked differently, so look up directions! 

2. Peel the plantain. This isn't as easy as a banana. It may be easier to cut both ends off the plantain to start the peeling process. 

3. Cut the plantain into small pieces using diagonal cuts. DO NOT cut straight across. Don't make the slices too thick.

4. Warm up a pan (medium or medium-high temp, and cover base of pan with a thin coat of oil.

5. Put plantain slices into the frying pan and let it cook. Once it's browned, flip over and let the other side cook.

6. Voila! There you are! If you want cinnamon or salt, you can put on immediately following removal from the pan. If you want to put another dressing on top, go for it. It's delicious!!!

I'm wondering how this would turn out if it was cooked in coconut oil instead of extra virgin olive oil.

Did you watch the Academy Awards last night? What was your favorite look/movie? 

If you'd like to watch a video on this process, here are a few links:
green 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAkz2hbmSSU
colombian patacones, fry 6-8 min
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uaQ1rUAIT8&feature=related
ecuador patacones
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itNSYnVpEGs&feature=related
ecuador mashed plantains filled with cheese (empanadas)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuCEFBYmNGA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sGewIhH3NY&feature=related
Venezuelan patacones with cheese
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhi6gw58np0&feature=related
 green baked
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnXU33QQdt0

ripe/sweet
http://www.ehow.com/how_4560278_cook-ripe-plantain.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IntQtrfSaLI
ripe for plantain fritters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsSJpvrg8RI&NR=1

10 Ways to Develop a Positive Body Image

The end of National Eating Disorder Awareness week is here, but that doesn't mean the conversations on body image should end! In my last post, I discussed some myths and misconceptions of eating disorders, and gave some general information. This is a good place to start. However, moving past this basic knowledge is crucial to changing (and hopefully decreasing) the rates of eating disorders and body image issues.

How many of you, when you were young, heard a parent, sibling, relative, or friend constantly tearing themselves down, commenting on their body imagine (negatively), or engaging in fat talk? As children, we develop patterns of thinking, speaking, and behaving by observing those around us. Because of this, adults have a great responsibility to model healthy behaviors for the next generation.
Although we cannot reduce the causes of eating disorders to self esteem and body image issues alone, these things certainly play a very strong part in the development and maintenance of eating disorders.

Here are 10 ways to Develop a Positive Body image and Increase Self-Esteem:

1.     Avoid labeling food as “good” or “bad”. When you do consume a food you’ve labeled as “bad”, this tends to feelings of being fat, or feelings of guilt. Yes, there are foods that are healthy, and yes, there are “junk foods”. However, the idea of “everything in moderation” tends to work a little better and produce less guilt.

2.     Understand how the media discusses & portrays body image. Comparing to those in the media is unrealistic, because the people themselves do not look like that in reality (or how they are appearing is incredibly unhealthy). Discuss with young child.

3.     Avoid “fat talk”. Instead of focusing on what’s negative about your body, focus on the positives, and what your body (or body parts) allows you to do.

4.     Move every day! It may be really tempting to spend your entire evening or weekend sitting in front of the TV, but this obviously leads to a sedentary lifestyle. Get up and move! This will help you both physically and emotionally.

5.     Remember that skinny is NOT healthy. HEALTHY is healthy! Obviously, there is a correlation with size and health (i.e. obesity is never healthy for an individual), but just because someone is small does not mean they are healthy.

6.     Stand in front of the mirror every day and give yourself 3-5 compliments

7.     Practice reading affirmations on a daily basis to focus on what’s positive instead of degrading yourself daily

8.     Start talking to children when they are very young about a healthy lifestyle., and model what it looks like to live in a healthy manner.

9.     Develop emotional awareness: help yourself or a young child to identify emotions and deal with them (and cope) in a healthy manner. (for example-deal with sadness or frustration in a healthy way, and not turn to food to “make it better”)

10. Identify & Challenge any Cognitive Distortions you might have

So, there are 10 things you can do to increase your own body image & self-esteem, and be a good role model to those younger then you. I'd like to know What do you do to increase your self-esteem or body image? What do you do to decrease your positive body image?

An Intro to Eating Disorders {Including Myths}

This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, so I would be remiss in not mention this in my blog. So, I'm planning on doing a few posts on various aspects of Eating Disorders....
Eating Disorders, like many illnesses, are often misunderstood. It is through education that we develop understanding, support, empathy, and ways to best help those around us.
Some basic information:

In the United States, as many as 10 million females and 1 million males are fighting a life and death  

battle with an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia. Millions more are struggling with binge  

eating disorder (Crowther et al., 1992; Fairburn et al., 1993; Gordon, 1990; Hoek, 1995; Shisslak et al.,  

1995).  

-From: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/uploads/statistics_tmp.pdf

Unfortunately, these numbers are on the rise, and touch millions of people every year (either people with the disorder or close family and friends). Clearly, this is a HUGE and growing issue. 

I often see a lot of Myths and Misconceptions about Eating Disorders. This can create stress, misunderstanding, arguments, and more pain for the person with the eating disorder. Understanding is KEY!


Types of Eating Disorders
1. Anorexia Nervosa: This is the restriction of food (self-starvation) in order to lose weight. This can be incredibly serious and life threatening
2. Bulimia Nervosa: Characterized by a cycle of bingeing and a compensatory purging time. This can be life threatening as well.  
3. Binge Eating Disorder: This is similar to bulimia in that there are frequent times of bingeing, but unlike bulimia, there isn't purging. Binge eating involves eating many more calories then is normal or healthy. 

Myths and Misconceptions (see this link for a whole listing of myths)

1. Eating Disorders are a Female Problem only: Clearly, looking at the statistics above, one can see that this isn't a female problem alone. The number of males struggling with eating disorders is on the rise. 

2. Eating Disorders are Uncommon: Again, looking at the statistics, you can see how prevalent EDs really are. 
3. Eating Disorders are about Appearance and Beauty: "Eating disorders are usually related to emotional issues such as control and low self-esteem and often exist as part of a “dual” diagnosis of major depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder."
4. Purging only Means Throwing Up: Although throwing up is one means of purging, it is not the only way to compensate for the intake of calories. Other means include laxatives, food restriction, enemas, and excessive exercise. After a person has a high food intake, they may purge through any of these means to try to decrease the high number of calories consumed. So, be aware that throwing up is only one thing to look for!
5. Eating Disorders Are An Attempt To Get Attention: There are a number of factors that can cause eating disorders, and is not as simple as "they just want attention."The behaviors that you see are a struggle of deeper mental and psychological problems. 

This just skims the very tip of the iceberg when it comes to information about Eating Disorders. What's important is that we each become educated on these disorders, understand the myths and misconceptions, and understand what each of us can do to help. 


Here are a few helpful links:
National Eating Disorders Association
National Institute of Mental Health-Eating Disorders
Mayo Clinic- Eating Disorders
Voice In Recovery-Blog

The Experience of Suffering and Loss

The topics of loss and suffering have always intrigued me. We can't get out of this world without experiencing some sort of suffering or loss. Some experience it much more frequently, and to a more intense level. However, we all experience it. As a counselor, I encounter grief and suffering frequently. And one common frustration I hear, and have experienced myself, is the advice received from others. Every person experiences grief, and has therefore found things that are helpful and hurtful in the grieving process. And so, when we see others around us hurting, we want to share our advice with them. This can overwhelm a grieving person, especially if they aren't ready. Instead of dumping information, perhaps ask if they would like to know what helped you, or if they would prefer that you just sit next to them.

Also, understand that we each come into the grieving or suffering experience with different personalities, needs, and histories. That's why some things work well, while other things don't help the grieving process. Sometimes, when we keep trying the advice of others, and it doesn't work, we feel frustrated. Maybe we aren't ready, but maybe it's just that it doesn't work with our personality. Just a thought...

Instead of trying to fix others or their pain, can we be there, in community, for others, and experience loss and brokenness together? Can we not dump information on them, but cry with them, support them, and give advice when asked?

One of my personal favorite books in regards to the experience of suffering is A Grace Disguised, by Jerry Sittser. In one moment, he lost his mom, wife, and a daughter in a car accident (they were hit by a drunk driver). Here's a quote on suffering and loss:

"Though suffering itself is universal, each experience of suffering is unique because each person who goes through it is unique. Who the self was before the loss, what the self feels in the loss, and how the self responds to the loss makes each person's experience different from all others. That is why suffering loss is a solitary experience. That is also why each of us must ultimately face it alone. No one can deliver us, substitute for us, or mitigate the pain in us. But loss does not have to isolate us or make us feel lonely. Though it is a solitary experience we must face alone, loss is also a common experience that can lead us to suffering. " (p. 171).

My Latest Comfort Food {recipe included}

Until a week and a half ago, I had never eaten kale, and would have politely passed it on if it had been offered to me. Something about the name and the looks just sounded disgusting to me. However, after reading about Kale being a super food in the February Real Simple Magazine, and seeing numerous people talking about it on twitter, I decided to check it out for myself. I have to be honest-even buying it I felt nervous as I knew I'd actually have to try some of it. So, with trepidation, I set out to make some kale chips. 

Take the kale and cut the leafy part away from the thick stalk:

Then tear the leafy parts into smaller, chip sized pieces. Wash and dry.

Spread on a baking sheet, drizzle with olive oil and sea salt, and cook on 350 degrees for 10 minutes. VIOLA!

Don't worry, they become crunchy, and they are absolutely delicious! I could eat them all day! Seriously, in the course of 8 days I ate a huge clump (4 baking sheets worth) of them all by myself! Oddly enough, even though I had lots of Valentine's Day candy sitting around, I chose instead to eat these... something MUST be wrong with me!  Simple, delicious, and healthy-my idea of the perfect recipe! 

What's one of your favorite comfort foods? Are there any other ways you've used kale in recipes? 

Learning to Fail Better...

" 'Failing Better' boils down to controlling our emotions, adjusting our thinking, and re-calibrating our beliefs."

-Psychology Today, 2009

I've gotten a lot of great feedback (both in comments section of the blog and on twitter) on my post on Success and Failure. Ironically, tonight I was going through old magazines that have stacked up in my room, and I found an article from the June 2009 Psychology Today magazine entitled "Weathering the Storm." After skimming the article, I was again reminded of something crucial in regards to failure:
It gives us the opportunity to stop, reevaluate, and try again.

Oftentimes, when we fail, we want to give up, or we half-heartedly try again. However, we so easily forget that when we fail, this can be a time of great learning and growth. We forget that we can come out of these times better, stronger, wiser, and healthier people if we deal with these times in a healthy manner, and if we intentionally try to learn from them! This is how resiliency can start to develop-We fall, and we learn how to stand up once again. I know that I'm often incredibly tempted to give up when things don't work out, and I'm so glad that I haven't defined myself as a failure and given up through those times. I definitely wouldn't have gotten my master's or finished my thesis, two of the things I'm most proud of in my life, if I had given up the first or the second time things didn't work right.

We can't prevent ourselves from "failing"-we are imperfect people who will constantly make mistakes, but we can choose what to do once it has happened.

So here are a few things that the article suggested for "failing better" in life:

1. Lighten Up- Sometimes we just take ourselves too seriously, and we need to develop a sense of humor. Humor allows us to gain a different perspective on the situation, and laughter decreases the heightened levels of stress.
2. Join the Club- Find others who are in your situation, and vent-eventually you will vent yourself out and start coming up with solutions. (A side note: venting can be healthy, but ruminating to the point of just staying stuck is not. Vent, and start looking for the "now what")
3. Feel Guilt, Not Shame- guilt is "something I did", while shame is "something I am"). You may have messed something up, but you are not the mess up or the failure
4. Cultivate Optimism- thinking flexibly and learning to increase your options. Sometimes we stay so stuck on only one option, that we forget to look at alternatives. This generates pessimism instead of optimism. Remember, fight against the cognitive distortions that come so easily and naturally.
5. Ask Not What The World Can Do For You... What can you give back to the world? Sometimes failure gives us to opportunity to be free to give in ways that we couldn't otherwise.
6. Scale Down Your Expectations For Yourself- Are you holding yourself up to unreasonable, perfectionist standards? Set realistic expectations for yourself. It's fine to dream and to push yourself, but if you set unrealistic expectations, you will have no option but to fail. It's a losing game.
7. Harness the Bridget Jones Effect-JOURNAL! It not only gets stuff from inside your head out, but it allows you to view it in a different perspective. This also allows for more discovery, and a reevaluation of things in life.
8. Don't Blame Yourself- If you attribute all your "failures" to being something fundamentally wrong with you, your mood will decrease dramatically, and you will continue to fail again. There is no optimism is constant self-blame.
9. Act! "Failure is an opportunity to change course. Seize it!"

What have you accomplished in life that you wouldn't have achieved had you given up after the first attempt? 

Steps to Wellness in My Life

Remember my post yesterday on running? Well, because it went so well, I decided to take advantage of the great weather again and go running/walking this morning. Unfortunately, I don't nearly have as positive of a report to give. I felt like I had 20 pound weights strapped to both legs, and every step I took was a struggle. I ended up running almost a mile of the two miles that I went... and walked the rest. I wish running was easy and enjoyable for me!

I also really dislike cooking. However, I know that in order to increase wellness in all areas of my life, nutrition is also important. I've been craving some of the food I ate in Ecuador (recaps here and here), so I decided that this weekend was going to include a lot of cooking.

 Kale Chips! Drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt. I can hardly control myself when they come out of the oven!!

 Dinner Friday night: Black beans, Corn, Spinach, Rice, and Red Cayenne Pepper in a tortilla. Delicious:)

 For dessert I cooked a plantain! This is the first time I've ever made them on my own, and they turned out really well!

 Breakfast Saturday Morning: Old fashioned Oats for Oatmeal, with Cherries, Blueberries, and a little Brown Sugar mixed into it!

Lunch on Saturday: Scrambled Eggs with Chicken, Red Peppers, Cheese, and Tomatoes mixed into it. I reheated the rest of my plantains from last night and put ketchup on them. 

So, there you go- A look into how I eat. Although I've always eaten fairly healthy, as I started to focus on overall wellness 2 years ago, I've been trying to change how I eat too. I'll post the recipes for plantains and the kale chips in the coming days! (thanks to Sarah at The Strength of Faith for inspiring me to start taking food pictures outdoors)

What're your favorite foods to make on the weekends? Anything fun planned for the day?

Thoughts of a {Running} Beginner...

I went to bed in a bad mood last night, hoping that I'd wake up feeling happier in the morning. This morning, I was awakened early by the annoying sound of my phone ringing. Although I tried to go back to sleep, I couldn't. I got out of bed in a bad mood. After drinking some juice and eating a Larabar, I decided to catch up on some blogs, and then go out on a run/walk. I don't know if I've ever talked about my love of walking/major dislike of running or not. But, the jest of it is this: I love moving, making healthy choices, and getting outside. Of course the endorphins aren't bad either. However, I feel like I don't have a body built for runs. My joints ache with the pounding of my feet on the sidewalk, and I feel like i can't get enough oxygen. I can really briskly walk 7.5 miles much easier then I can run .5 of a mile. Well, back in December I decided it was time to try and run (at this point I was walking 18-25 miles a week, so I was incredibly active). I ran for .75 mi and my vision started going and was on my way to passing out. So, after some quick consultation on twitter (thanks guys!), I decided to do a walk/run program and mix in a few minutes of running with a few minutes of walking quickly, and go back and forth.

Ok, that being said, I decided to do that today. I ran/briskly walked 3 miles in 35 minutes, and felt wonderful. I probably ran about 1-1.25 miles of the 3 miles, in 3 different chunks. When I want to quit, I keep repeating "I'm making healthy and positive choices in my life...I'm making healthy and positive choices in my life" and this keeps me moving forward. So, by the time I got back from my run, I felt great, physically and emotionally, and was in a much better mood.

For all you runners: Any tips for sore joints/muscles, breathing/heart rate, or anything else related to running?

What types of exercise do you enjoy doing? Anything you can't stand? How do you motivate yourself when you want to give up in the middle of exercising? 

Success or Failure?

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."

-Michael Jordan

I have not failed.  I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.  

~Thomas Edison 

There is no failure except in no longer trying.  ~Elbert Hubbard

Failure doesn't mean you are a failure... it just means you haven't succeeded yet.  

~Robert Schuller

First of all, thank you to all my readers. My little blog has now passed 1,000 views, and half of these have come in the last 4 weeks:) Also, if you've been a reader for very long, you know my love of quotes. I think quotes are something that stick out to us, and can be remembered in moments where we won't remember other things. 

One thing that I struggle with as a counselor is helping people to change their definitions of success and failure. Remember the discussion on cognitive distortions and specifically black and white (all or nothing) thinking? I find that people are often very "all or nothing" when it comes to their definitions of success or failure. Either they have practiced or maintained something perfectly (i.e. work out 3 times in the last week, eat only one dessert a day, or even working on changing distortions) or they have failed. But when there is progress, when there is something that has been learned, that isn't failure. Failure occurs when we stop trying, not when we "messed up" once or twice. This thinking will not only hinder the progress that you are trying to make, but generally lead you to label yourself as a "failure". When we don't have accurate or rational views of success and failure, we will often be a failure much more then a success. 

What You Can Do:

1. Challenge your current thinking on success and failure. Is it all or nothing?

2. Re-write your definitions of success and failure

3. Take the label of a "failure" off yourself

4. Identify the progress you've made in a week and label yourself as successful! 

Question: When are you likely to label yourself a failure? What are you afraid to try because of the fear of failure? 

Valentine's Recap & 3 Types of Stable Relationships

Remember a few days ago when I discussed how important it was to take care of and love yourself in order to effectively love another (see post here)? Well, before going further, I thought I'd give a little update on how I loved myself on Valentine's day. My valentine's day was definitely the most peculiar, as I spent the afternoon at a funeral. By the time, I was definitely in need of a little self love. I came home and spent a little time sending a couple emails to people close to me, and then headed off to yoga. I spent one hour in a dimmed studio with calming music, focusing on myself, my body, my movements, and my breaths. By the time that hour was over, I felt great. Then I spent the rest of the evening with a great friend, laughing and watching TV. And of course I had a little Skype date later in the evening. Overall, it was a good day, even if it was a much more abnormal. So, that's how I engaged in a little self-love:)

Yesterday I also posted a number of characteristics of love. Like I said, we all have areas of strength, and areas of improvement.
One book we had to read in grad school that I really appreciated was "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and How you Can Make Yours Last" By: John Gottman (1994). 

There are 3 types of stable marriages or relationships. It's good to know what you and your significant other fall under, to understand strengths and areas you need to watch out for...

-VALIDATING: These couples are excellent at communication. The display ease and calm, and can listen to and understand the other point of view and emotions. They go through 3 phases: Listen & air opinions, attempt to persuade each other, and negotiate a compromise. 
   ---Characteristics: Good friends who value “we-ness”, highly value communication and verbal openness, value displays of affection and being in love. 
   ---Risks: May become passionless, romance & selfhood are sacrificed for friendship & togetherness, forgo personal development, can become enmeshed

-VOLATILE: These couples bicker and are competitive, with high levels of engagement. They fight on a grand scale and have an even grander time making up. There are only 2 phases with this couple, because they skip the validation stage: Persuasion, resolving. 
   ---Characteristics: warm & loving, passion fuels positive interactions, masters at making up, see selves as equal, more likely to interrupt each other, he’s nurturing/she’s expressive. 
   ---Pitfalls: quarrelling can consume marriage, violence in extreme cases, use of humor can hurt the partner’s feelings, they censor very few thoughts. 

-AVOIDANT: make light of their differences rather than resolving them. They conspire to “dodge and hedge” and “agree to disagree.” Instead of resolving conflicts, they reaffirm what they love and value in the marriage, accentuate the positive, & accept the rest. 
  ---Characteristics: Usually very easy to get along with. 
   ---Risks: Don’t address conflict, negativity can overwhelm interactions, become lonely, they don’t really know each other. 


What'd you do for Valentine's Day? How did you love yourself?

Characteristics of Love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

~1 Corinthians 13

Love endures whatever comes its way...wow. Sounds like a really fabulous form of love, doesn't it? (look at love from a wellness perspective here). This is the perfect, most healthy, most pure form of love we can ever have, and ever give.

Can I be honest about something for a minute? I don't really give this sort of love to others. I may be stronger in some areas then in others, but, because I'm not perfect, I cannot love perfectly. However, it doesn't mean we are doomed! We can still grow and work on how we give love to ourselves and to others. Just as in other areas of wellness, love involves intentionally and actively working on it in order to be truly "healthy." 

Question: What parts of love are you good at giving? How can you work on developing some of the other parts of love? 

Valentine's Day Love

"Now these three remain: Faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love" 

-The Bible (1 Corinthians 13)

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
- Martin Luther King, Jr

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring."
-Oscar Wilde

Happy Valentine's Day! I have to be honest, i don't hate Valentine's day, but I don't love it either. I'm not a huge fan of the commercialization of it, but I like the idea of intentionally going to those around us, and expressing our love and thanks to them. Of course this should happen more then once a year, though! 

In yesterday's post, I talked about how we cannot truly love and serve another person without loving ourselves first. If we can't love ourself, we have nothing to give to another. Without loving ourself, we will burn out. Although it's difficult to take time for ourselves in the midst of a busy day, it must be intentionally done in order to stay healthy. 

Myers, Sweeney, and Witmer, in their Wheel of Wellness model (do you remember this post on wellness from a few months ago?), set "love" as one of the 5 life tasks. This is how they describe the Love aspect of Wellness: "Concern for the life and growth of that which is loved; having faith that one’s well-being will be respected; reciprocating by respecting the well-being of another (i.e. trust); ability to be intimate, trusting, self-disclosing with another person; ability to receive as well as express affection with a significant other; capacity to experience or convey non-possessive caring that respects the uniqueness of another; presence of enduring, stable intimate relationship(s); recognition that others have concern for one’s growth; physical satisfaction with sexual life/needs for touch are being met." 

My questions for You:

So, how do you think you are doing health wise in the aspect of Love? What do you need to do to increase your levels of wellness in this area? How do you plan on loving yourself today? How do you plan to show love to others around you?

I would also love to know What your plans for Valentine's day are!