Wellness Wednesday: {Cultural Identity}

Welcome back to Wellness Wednesday! For more information on the Wheel of Wellness, you can check out my wellness page, which includes every past "Wellness Wednesday" post! Remember that wellness isn't the absence of the negative, but the presence of the positive in our lives.

Remember that I'm using the Wheel of Wellness to help visualize health in life:

Source

Alright, after today's post we'll have finally made it through all of Life Task 2 of the Wheel of Wellness. So, today we move on to the final subtask of Life Task 2: Cultural Identity!

Myers & Sweeney define this subtask the following way:

Satisfaction with one’s cultural identity, feeling supported in one’s culture, valuing relationships with people of many cultures, transcendence of cultural identity, competency to cope with stress of cultural identity

When most people start listing dimensions of wellness, this is not one that is often mentioned. However, I think it's an important component of wellness, and once again I'm happy that Myers & Sweeney have included this in the dimensions of Wellness. Myers & Sweeney say the following about cultural identity: "cultural identity incorporates racial identity, acculturation, and an appreciation for the unique aspects of one's culture and is positively related to well-being. It is a positive personal strength that enhances growth and development across the life span" (Myers & Sweeney, 2005, p. 25). Of course our views on most things in life are in some way influenced by our culture as well.

For many Caucasians, it can feel like we don't have a culture, or at least culture the way that some other groups of people experience culture. For those of you who feel that way, here's an idea of how to connect with culture:

• Determine what countries your ancestors come from. Do a bit of research to figure out what the beliefs, habits, and holidays of those cultures are.
• Match these values, beliefs, or habits with your own life to see what has trickled down from these cultures. 
• Is there a way that you can incorporate your country of origin's celebrations into your life here? This can help you gain an appreciation of other cultures, all while gaining knowledge and having fun! 

Once you go looking for it, it's interesting how many things we do that come from other cultures. 

And a few questions to get you thinking:

1. Are there things you can do to learn more about other cultures and gain an appreciation of them?
2. How can you increase your knowledge of your own culture?
3. What can you do to interact with people from other cultures? How can you "get outside yourself"? 
4. Have you ever felt unappreciated or discriminated against because of your culture?
5. If you experience stress due to your cultural identity, what steps can you take to keep yourself healthy? 

Now it's your turn:

Do you feel you have a culture? How can you increase your appreciation of both your own culture and of the cultures around you?

* Myers & Sweeney. Counseling For Wellness: Theory, Research, and Practice. (2005). 

Perfectionism & The Distortion of Identity

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”

-Anna Quindlen

I've always been surprised at how tightly perfectionism and identity/self-esteem are tied together. When a Client says they struggle in one area, I automatically ask about the other area as well. Most of the time, I'm spot on (and they seem to be surprised at the quick connections I make) and they do, indeed, struggle with both. I get it because at one point I was there myself. In high school I had extremely rigid, perfectionistic standards for myself, yet I felt terrible about myself. It was as I began to challenge and loosen these standards and rules for my life that the distorted mirror I saw myself in began to become more and more clear. It was through this that I began to figure myself out, and feel good about the person I was (and am). 

Perfectionism isn't realistic, and it distorts the way we see the world (remember yesterday's post on black/white thinking about how we need shades of gray to see the entire picture). It distorts our needs & wants, our identity, our self-statements and beliefs, and our relationships. All of this combined leads to a distortion of how we live within the world, and how we feel about ourselves as we go about daily life. Perfectionism tends to say that I am a failure (unless I'm 100% perfect in everything then I'm a failure), and when we are constantly "failing" we will obviously feel really bad about ourselves. This type of thinking is detrimental to us, and quite honestly, not fair to ourselves either. 

I found a website that listed some reasons that perfectionism lowers self-esteem:

1. Fear of failure is among of the reasons for perfectionism. Often times, perfectionists blame their failures to lack of personal worth.
2. Another reason is being afraid to make mistakes. For perfectionists, mistakes and failure are the same. They miss opportunities to learn and grow by living their lives avoiding mistakes.
3. Fear of rejection is a one of the most common reasons. Perfectionists are often afraid that if other people see their flaws, they will be rejected.
4. Rigid Rules. Perfectionists live with rigid rules structured by a never-ending list of “should”.

If you do just one thing for yourself this week, give yourself a break and try to start identifying how perfection & your identity are tied together. Be fair to yourself and loosen the grip you have on perfectionism.

*you can find the rest of my series on perfectionism here.

What I'd like to know:

Did you do anything fun this weekend? Any steps to furthering your health and wellness? Have you seen perfectionism distort your self-esteem or identity?

A Little Trick To Increase Self-Esteem & Identity (Affirmations!)

What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates his fate.  ~Henry David Thoreau

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

I was a very awkward middle schooler. Although I am no longer that awkward middle school girl, I inwardly cringe when I look at pictures or remember those 3 years of my life. Once we make it out of the "awkward years", we start to figure life out a little bit. However, due to experiences from that time period, or from other experiences (abuse, negative messages from friends or family, illness, etc...) in life, we often walk away feeling damaged.

I tell my clients we have this inner soundtrack to our lives, and if we really stopped and thought about it, we'd realize how many negative words and lies we tell ourselves on a daily basis. If you had a friend that said 20 or 30 negative things to you every day, would you allow them to stay in your life? Yet we can't get away from ourselves, so we continue to drag ourselves down day after day. Not only can we feel bad about ourselves, but we make life far more difficult for ourselves then it needs to be.

There is a simple little trick I have many clients do (yes-I have done this for myself in the past as well) to help them increase their self esteem or to help them "figure out who they are." The idea of this is that the more you say something to yourself, the more you will feel it, and the more you will behave as if that statement is true. What we say to ourselves is tied very tightly to our mood and to our behaviors. To change our feelings and behaviors, we begin by changing our thoughts (self-talk).

I start by having people write a list of the negative things they say on a frequent basis to themself. An example:

Once this is done, I have people write a list statements that are the opposite of the negative list, or other positive affirmations. An example:

Notice that the positive affirmations are always written in present tense, and always start with "I am ____". Read these to yourself a few times a day while looking at yourself in the mirror.

Even if you don't have low self-esteem, and you feel like you know who you are as a person, this little technique can be quite healthy and uplifting. Why not try it out this week? (This could even count as one of your little 5 minute activities-see here for idea for using time wisely)