What Will You Do To Pay It Forward?

As I think ahead to September 11th, I've been trying to figure out how I want to spend my day, and those things on which I want to focus. I've started to see more conversations about this, and have stumbled upon the following links:
youtube clip on paying it forward
9/11 Day Of Service
10,000 Random Acts of Kindness
New York Says Thank You

These links include various ways to pay it forward, information about this idea as a way to remember the events of September 11th, and websites to read about others' acts of kindness. Pretty cool if you ask me! I don't actually know much about these organizations, but thought I'd share as a way to get each of you thinking about something you can do to pay it forward. If you know of other great organizations or websites, please leave the information in the comment section! Remember that this isn't something that just should be done on the actual day itself.

As the New York Says Thank You website ends their comments on their home page: "The secret to our growing “Pay It Forward” movement is very simple: What we do is about 9/12."


In the spirit of this day, I watch this video every year. Beautiful.


If tomorrow all the things were gone
I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars
to be living here today,
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can't take that away.

And I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

source

Firefighters raise an American Flag over the rubble of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. 

The Experience of Suffering and Loss

The topics of loss and suffering have always intrigued me. We can't get out of this world without experiencing some sort of suffering or loss. Some experience it much more frequently, and to a more intense level. However, we all experience it. As a counselor, I encounter grief and suffering frequently. And one common frustration I hear, and have experienced myself, is the advice received from others. Every person experiences grief, and has therefore found things that are helpful and hurtful in the grieving process. And so, when we see others around us hurting, we want to share our advice with them. This can overwhelm a grieving person, especially if they aren't ready. Instead of dumping information, perhaps ask if they would like to know what helped you, or if they would prefer that you just sit next to them.

Also, understand that we each come into the grieving or suffering experience with different personalities, needs, and histories. That's why some things work well, while other things don't help the grieving process. Sometimes, when we keep trying the advice of others, and it doesn't work, we feel frustrated. Maybe we aren't ready, but maybe it's just that it doesn't work with our personality. Just a thought...

Instead of trying to fix others or their pain, can we be there, in community, for others, and experience loss and brokenness together? Can we not dump information on them, but cry with them, support them, and give advice when asked?

One of my personal favorite books in regards to the experience of suffering is A Grace Disguised, by Jerry Sittser. In one moment, he lost his mom, wife, and a daughter in a car accident (they were hit by a drunk driver). Here's a quote on suffering and loss:

"Though suffering itself is universal, each experience of suffering is unique because each person who goes through it is unique. Who the self was before the loss, what the self feels in the loss, and how the self responds to the loss makes each person's experience different from all others. That is why suffering loss is a solitary experience. That is also why each of us must ultimately face it alone. No one can deliver us, substitute for us, or mitigate the pain in us. But loss does not have to isolate us or make us feel lonely. Though it is a solitary experience we must face alone, loss is also a common experience that can lead us to suffering. " (p. 171).