“The problem of choosing to love again is that the choice to love means living under the constant threat of further loss. But the problem of choosing not to love is that that the choice to turn from love means imperiling the life of the soul, for the soul thrives in an environment of love. Soul-full people love; soul-less people do not. If people want their souls to grow through loss, whatever the loss is, they must eventually decide to love even more deeply than they did before. They must respond to the loss by embracing love with renewed energy and commitment” (p. 183).
-A Grace Disguised (Jerry Sittser)
If you've lost someone before, you may understand the fear of choosing to love (remember this point?) . After experiencing my first "really painful" death (I knew others before, but never a good friend), I seriously questioned whether or not it was ever worth it to love if it meant experiencing the screaming pain that I felt. To be honest, for a few weeks I had myself convinced that I not only needed to not love new people in life, but I also needed to pull away from my current friends. My rationale: If I don't love, I can't hurt, and I won't ever be in this position again. It took about 5 weeks of really rationalizing with myself about why I HAD to love and connect to be healthy. Since that decision, I made friends who I have since lost. And every time I experience that pain again, the thought floats through my head that loving is not worth it.
I have learned to quiet that voice. If I hadn't loved, I wouldn't have the joy, laughter, and memories that I do. These are PRICELESS and of great worth to me, even if I have to pay the price with tears and pain. Loving after loss is scary...very, very scary. It's hard to make a choice to open yourself to pain and hurt. But in choosing the pain, we choose life, joy, happiness, and laughter. You can't have one without the other... It's part of the experience of humanity.
Have you ever been tempted to stop loving after loss? How did you convince yourself that loving is worth it?
Also- Happy Cinco De Mayo! Any fun plans tonight?