If you missed my latest post in my current series on grief, loss, death, and suffering (ooh...sounds less then fun, huh?), you can check it out here. I love the quote that the post is based around, so be sure to read it (at least the quote portion!).
I've experienced a number of kinds of deaths- old people, old people who are sick, young people who are sick, and young people who were perfectly healthy and fine and caught in the middle of an accident. Each brings about a different way to process grieving and death.
One thing I know I've experienced, and heard from others in the same position, is how they don't feel closure when someone dies suddenly. When someone is sick, there are a lot of good byes, final sharing of memories, taking final pictures, etc... It feels like there is some closure. However, when someone is in an accident and dies suddenly, those things don't get to happen. This can potentially make the grieving process much worse. Of course there are ways to try to find this- letter writing, reading a letter at a funeral or cemetery, or something of similar fashion. These are all good, and I would certainly encourage you to try them.
However, I'd like to share a perspective that I landed on about 5 years ago when it comes to sudden death. As we live our life with others, each interaction and conversation should be a goodbye. Think about it. When you are saying "goodbye" to someone who is very sick, you may share memories, laugh about an awkward moment, talk about how they've changed your life, discuss what they meant to you, and say "I love you." Shouldn't that be happening throughout a lot of the conversations that we have? Obviously every time I call up one of my parents or siblings I don't give them a list of ways they've changed my life. But from time to time I make sure to do that, so that, given an accident, I feel like I've said the things that are important to say. So even with an accident, if we've had a good relationship all along, we have been saying goodbye throughout our conversations.
How do you say "goodbye to others" through your conversations with them?
Such a great point. We had a sudden death in my husband's family this past year and there were just too many things left unsaid.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice! Thanks for sharing.
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I've lost some high school friends suddenly and it's a terrible terribl thing to have to come to grip with. Lovely and honest post. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post and will speak to everyone. I've been really trying to make an honest effort at it recently too. My problem is getting caught up in life and staying clung on the little things when it's really showing and appreciating those who mean a lot to use bc tomorrow isn't promised. I'm glad I read this- great post.
ReplyDeleteIt's true. We never think that our last goodbye to a loved one may well very be the last time we see them alive. It's easy to forget. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI lost my dad suddenly when I was only 18, and I'm still trying to find closure to this day (9 years later!) I definitely treat my loved ones differently, and try my hardest to live by that "if today was your last day" thing - fantastic post, you are a saint for sharing helpful info and thoughts on these types of sensitive subjects :)
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. I think I read something similar to this in one of Dr. Phil's books. He suggest that we should all write goodbye letters to our loved ones-sort of just to make sure that you're never left with the guilt or sad feeling of never telling the people you care about how much you love them.
ReplyDeleteI try always to have the last thing I tell my husband, family and friends is how much I care even if it is just a simple, "I love you", I want to make sure that they know how I feel.
This is profound advice. I know of some people who would find this slightly uncomfortable to come to terms with, simply because it's hard to always say "goodbye" and think of their interactions with their loved ones as temporary. But, reality shows that our interactions ARE temporary. Tomorrow is not promised to us, although we take it for granted all the time. I think I'm going to stop taking for granted those who are most precious to me.
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Wow, what a great post. I work in an ER and see death constantly, but I rarely take the time to reflect on it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great way to look at things. Make every second count.
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